Getting Closer...

"Moreover when you fast, don't be like the hypocrites, with sad faces. For they disfigure their faces, that they may be seen by men to be fasting. Most certainly I tell you, they have received their reward." Matthew 6:16

Getting closer to Easter that is. What happens on Easter? Enough is happening Easter Sunday to keep me busy well enough. Easter is a very good day this year. It is the day Christ has risen. It is the day of new birth for humanity. Easter marks the end of Lent, and a new beginning for life.

For me, the end of Lent means the end of my sugar fasting. I've been sugar-free with the exception of one Sunday. You can read more about that one here. Yes, one time, thankfully, only one time this Lent season, I gave in and partook of delicious carrot cake. A few times, I've been told to let go and treat myself. I don't think so.

The whole idea behind Lenten sacrifice is to honor the forty days Christ spent in fasting in order to fend off temptation. We, as humans and Christians, make a sacrifice of some sort in order to face and overcome temptation. Lent is not about making excuses, but about sticking to what you decide to make of your time.

I felt this passage is reflective of Lent because it shows people with high status and position often cheat at basic principles. If everyone of high status acted honestly about themselves we would live in a very different world. Wouldn't that be nice? Jesus is telling the common people to act as their words speak. There were already too many people abusing position in his world. He didn't want the people he was trying to touch fall into the same pit as those who didn't want to receive his message.

People in a position of leadership should not lie about themselves in order to control others around them, but should act as they expect others to. This is appropriate during Lent because as humans, we are tempted into breaking our promises. We are tempted to lie about ourselves for the control of others. Several times during this Lenten season, I've been tempted to eat candy, syrup, cake, ice cream, donuts, and anything in general loaded with sugar. I've pondered ways I can be sneaky about it. Fortunately for me, I haven't given in. I don't need to be proven a liar to my family.

As of today, I have thirteen days left. Easter Sunday, I don't plan on over-indulging myself. There won't be a need to. I will have proven I can live without something unhealthy.

Sugar in my Dreams? Yikes!

Weird dreams are uncommon for me. For some reason, strange dreams don't come to me like they do for other people. During my few hours of slumber each night, I don't envision clowns dancing in the clouds. Tea kettles don't speak to me. Fabric doesn't get up off the table and run from the machine. Silk flowers don't grab me by the legs, and either apply scalding hot glue, ribbon and tape, or jab me into foam.

I used to have dreams of being at my job. Most of those dreams were in an unbalanced time of my work and family. They wouldn't be weird, just dreams of being at work flipping eggs, or frying bacon.

For the most part, I don't remember dreams at all. I might, on rare occasion, remember dreams for a few minutes after I wake up. Most dreams I do remember, end up portraying the worst nightmares of my life. I don't usually remember the good dreams for very long. Sometimes, I wish I could be normal for a moment and have a subconscious clown show in the wee hours of the morning.

Early this morning, I learned, I am perfectly capable of dreaming of the desire to apply sugar to my digestive tract. Yum, sugar in my coffee. There I was, in my kitchen, pouring a cup of coffee. The sugar bowl sat on the counter with a spoon in it. Coating the spoon was sugar, as if someone was moronic enough to stir sugar into something, then place the spoon back in the bowl. Something had to be done about this particular spoon. Simply placing the spoon, and all of the wonderfully yummy sugary coating, into my coffee cup made perfect sense to me. But, when I stirred my coffee, the sugar formed chunks instead of dissolving. I didn't want the family catching me, so I broke one of the chunks on the side of my mug. Instantly, the sugar fizzled and dissolved. Oh, that tasted so good; and felt so wrong at the same time.

In some way, I understand why I'm still having craving after 29 days of living sugar free. Sugar was a highly incorporated ingredient in my diet until Ash Wednesday. Adding sugar to my coffee was bringing almost 1/8 cup each day. Pop was adding more. Now, add candy to all that. My sugar intake was considerably more than necessary.

I've still lived sugar-free since my last post on the topic. I only have 20 days to go. I'm praying that over these next 20 days, I'll loose most of the desire for sugar. Then, come Easter, I won't want an overdose of sweets.

One Day At a Time

Craving for sugar come, leaving me two choices. Do I accept cake, and candy? Or, do I refuse over processed carbohydrates? Today is Day 23, and I’m refusing sugar cravings again today. I have to take this one day at a time. I have 25 days left until Easter. I know I can get through this.

I thought I was through the cravings stage. My first week found not only a horrible state of depression, but a mountainous slew hazing and personal torment from family and friends. Being the good sport I am, I took all of this in stride, and laughed right along with them.
I love my friends dearly. All the hazing I’ve taken from them has given me a good opportunity to laugh at my sugar fasting. By the third day, the razing from the family, I was in tears. Never before this had I realized I was using sweets as a cover for depression.

Needless to say, I cried all the way through my second week. Short tempered was the pleasant description for my behavior. I was vocal and angry enough to make a sailor blush. I managed to come out of that second week completely sugar free. Remaining days shouldn’t have been any problem. Yeah, right.

This last week, I’ve wanted everything I can get my hands on with sugar. I have forced myself into denial of temptation. Grocery stores carry candy and ice cream isles, bakeries, and soda displays. Beadgirl caught me as I tried to ask her to share her skittles. She reminded me again a few days ago. Certain trail mix contains candy.

I’ve faired much better over yesterday and today. I know I can get through this. Taking a sacrifice like this works best when you take each day one at a time. I also know that come Easter, I’ll be a much healthier person. Each day is a today. As long as I remember this each morning, I’ll be fine. Today, I’m not having any sugar. Tomorrow will be another today. I believe I do have it in me to make it to Easter.

One day at a time.

That Darned Carrot Cake

Well, I guess one good thing coming out of Lent this year is my ability to laugh at my own personal issues. I asked my dear Bigboy if he would have razzed me like he has if this was alcohol and not sugar. "Of course not," he said. I don't think he's ever felt any kind of addiction to anything the way my sweet tooth screams for sugar. The most sympathetic people to my personal cause are former alcoholics and drug users.

Initially, I had considered giving up soda from Ash Wednesday until Easter. The reality of that situation is the reverting to candy and donuts in place of soda. Why? I crave sugar. Is all of this sugar good for me? Absolutely NOT. I was doing very well for the fifth day of Lent. I went all week without sugar in my coffee, candy, donuts, sugared soda, sugared deserts, yada yada.

And then there was carrot cake. I haven't had carrot cake in several months. We were at the Kitsap Peninsula Shrine Club and there was carrot cake. Somehow, it ended up at my place. Out of the mysteries of nowhere, a spoon for eating cake appeared. Within seconds, carrot cake left the plate and made its way through my digestive tract.

MMMMMMMM. Sugar is SOOOO GOOD.

And now for the rest of the story:

I cried on the way home and I think all the night. This has been a very difficult entry for me. I began it Sunday night. I had to put it aside and finish it tonight because I kept crying over the whole situation.

Blogging is a blessing in my life. It gives me the ability to laugh at my life in public. Living the life of a hectic Homeschooler is difficult. Kids are always whining, husbands are always needing, Beadgirl is beading, laundry is always washing (never to be put away of course), Bigfoot is growing, dishes are always dirty, masons are dining, I seem to always be driving, I have to laugh at everything going on around me. My Grandmother once said, “There ain’t no happiness in this old world, you’ve just got to be happy without it.” It’s not an easy thing to remember. Every once in a while, I have to remind myself of the fact that if you’re not having any fun, you’re not living out your life well. Even when everything around gets rotten, you just need to remember, there is a light at the other end of the tunnel.

The Pie is Sugar-free!

Every month, the provision of deserts for Bigboy's masonic lodge is willingly volunteered by me. According to several friends desert hogs, my skills are repeatedly highly requested and store bought just won't do.

I decided this month I needed to expand my desert baking skills beyond cobbler. During my visit to allrecipes, I found a delicious recipe for chocolate chip coffee cake. Coffee cake- yum. Chocolate- YUM. The presence of Sugar- TORTURE!!!

I also decided I would take a shot at making lemon bars. I've never made lemon bars before, and I'm not even sure if what came out of the oven looked like what it was supposed to. How bad can lemon bars be? Flour: OK. Lemon rind: OK. Lemon juice: OK. Eggs: OK. Powdered sugar: HELP ME! Table sugar: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Forty days of no licking the bowl, spatula, or spoon.
Forty days of no quality checking my product before it gets served.
Forty days without snitching chocolate chips.

And what does my dear husband say?

YEAH RIGHT!!!

What do my aggravating companions friends say?

Would you like some sugar in your coffee?

What am I doing at this point?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!

Last night, I decided that my two deserts weren't enough. Since I was out at Safeway getting rolls for the lodge's Lobster Bisque and salad dinner, I would also pick up a peach pie.

I went all through the night going without any desert. Of course, my friends aggravating companions rubbing in my Lent season decision until 11:00 pm. Chocolate chip coffee cake went home with the temple custodian. Lemon bars and peach pie came home with us. As I was putting everything away, the lifesaver of the lifesaver of the night was found. The peach pie was SUGAR FREE!

There is now a very empty pie tin and two dirty plates.

Sugar, Give me Sugar.

Please, someone tell me I'm crazy. We are now in the Lent season and I've given up sugar for these forty days (plus Sunday's), particularly refined and processed sugar. Honestly, do you know what this means? No sugar on my corn chex, yikes. No sugar in my coffee YIKES. No ice cream; I'm almost sure you will find me in Ben and Jerry's withdrawals. My favorite is Jamaican Me crazy. No deserts, which I am well reputed for producing and am producing for tomorrow night. No sugared soda, which is a personal addiction. I have to be crazy.

When it comes to making a lifestyle change this this, there has to be some level insanity required. I now I'm giving up something that is rather bad for me. There are always challenges. I've already been dealing with my sweet tooth since yesterday. I had to pick up a diet soda today. I don't even like diet sodas. Most of them give me headaches becasue of the sweeteners used in them. I put sugar in my mug. Fortunately, I put the sugar in before I poured the coffee. Unfortunately, the mug I put sugar in was the travel mug I used this morning. Since it was already wet, I had to put it in the sink and take a new mug. I stopped myself from putting sugar in my coffee for our morning trip to the ferry. I'm going without any sweetener in my coffee. I may just switch to tea for forty days. I seem to do much better without sugar in tea.

Tomorrow is going to be just as hard. I have two deserts to bake for the boys of the lodge. I decided I needed to make something other than apple pie or cobbler. I found at www.allrecipes.com a recipe for lemon bars and chocolate chip coffee cake. This will be my first attempt at lemon bars. I've done cakes before, so coffee cake shouldn't be a major problem. Just for me, and whoever chooses, I've picked up some frozen berries and yogurt for tomorrow night.

I know I can make it through this period without sugar. However, I can't do it alone. I need God to guide and strengthen me. This is a major valley for me to travel through.