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Sunday, March 2, 2008

Sugar in my Dreams? Yikes!

Weird dreams are uncommon for me. For some reason, strange dreams don't come to me like they do for other people. During my few hours of slumber each night, I don't envision clowns dancing in the clouds. Tea kettles don't speak to me. Fabric doesn't get up off the table and run from the machine. Silk flowers don't grab me by the legs, and either apply scalding hot glue, ribbon and tape, or jab me into foam.

I used to have dreams of being at my job. Most of those dreams were in an unbalanced time of my work and family. They wouldn't be weird, just dreams of being at work flipping eggs, or frying bacon.

For the most part, I don't remember dreams at all. I might, on rare occasion, remember dreams for a few minutes after I wake up. Most dreams I do remember, end up portraying the worst nightmares of my life. I don't usually remember the good dreams for very long. Sometimes, I wish I could be normal for a moment and have a subconscious clown show in the wee hours of the morning.

Early this morning, I learned, I am perfectly capable of dreaming of the desire to apply sugar to my digestive tract. Yum, sugar in my coffee. There I was, in my kitchen, pouring a cup of coffee. The sugar bowl sat on the counter with a spoon in it. Coating the spoon was sugar, as if someone was moronic enough to stir sugar into something, then place the spoon back in the bowl. Something had to be done about this particular spoon. Simply placing the spoon, and all of the wonderfully yummy sugary coating, into my coffee cup made perfect sense to me. But, when I stirred my coffee, the sugar formed chunks instead of dissolving. I didn't want the family catching me, so I broke one of the chunks on the side of my mug. Instantly, the sugar fizzled and dissolved. Oh, that tasted so good; and felt so wrong at the same time.

In some way, I understand why I'm still having craving after 29 days of living sugar free. Sugar was a highly incorporated ingredient in my diet until Ash Wednesday. Adding sugar to my coffee was bringing almost 1/8 cup each day. Pop was adding more. Now, add candy to all that. My sugar intake was considerably more than necessary.

I've still lived sugar-free since my last post on the topic. I only have 20 days to go. I'm praying that over these next 20 days, I'll loose most of the desire for sugar. Then, come Easter, I won't want an overdose of sweets.

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