Looking for something? Search for it here:


Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Pizza, the Perfect Food of Nature

I'm sure in every house with boys, pizza is by nature, a food of nature. Explanation of this is really quite simple in the mind of twelve-year old Bigfoot. According to Bigfoot, the natural state of pizza as a natural health food is simple. So simple, in fact, it really needs no explaining at all.

And then there came Mom. The hectic homeschooling, working, cleaning, event planning, husband-head-straightening, Cub Scout leading, I've written the book on excuses, Mom. This mom needs an explanation for everything. After all, I WAS one of the chief excuse writers in my AP English class. (I'll blog more about my public education later.) Being the Queen of excuses means this mom buys nothing! You better explain everything, including the "natural food" state of pizza .

So, according to twelve-year-old Bigfoot, pizza is the perfect food of nature on the grounds that:
1. Pizza dough is based upon grains such as wheat. Wheat is a plant, and plants are good for you. Therefore, the crust of a pizza is a natural health food.
2. Pizza sauce is made with tomatoes and spices. Tomatoes are not only plants, they are filled with powerful vitamins and minerals. Because tomatoes are so good for you, tomato sauce is healthy. Spices added to any pizza sauce are also plants. The plant content of pizza sauce is of levels that only allow it to be a health food.
3. Pizza contains toppings. Some of these toppings can be vegetables. We have already heard the vegetable defense, therefore, there should be no reason to repeat it once again. However, favorite toppings include meats such as sausage and pepperoni. Both of these come from animals. God made animals and all animals are living, breathing beings until we kill them for their meat. Whereas God created animals, everything created by God is a part of nature. Accordingly, meat is a natural food. Meat is good for us because it contains protein. Protein is good for our muscles and bones, and brain. Cheese is also a natural food because it comes from milk, which comes from cows, which are a creation of God.

So you see, pizza is a perfectly healthy natural food.

I'll give it to him for the creativity. I think there is a lot of testosterone speaking there.

Wordless Wednesday- jellyfish at Blake Island

Find more Wordless Wednesday at 5minutesformom

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

We found my Batteries!

Not only did Bigboy find my batteries, he uncovered the mother load.
Nestled in the pillowcases of Bigfoot, lived a stash load of video games. Waiting for each day to end, GameBoys and Pokemon once begged for Bigfoot to turn on electronics and play. Sleep? No my dear friend, come and play video games into the we hours of the morning.

Alas, dad has found you my darling battery snatching video games. No longer can your boy stay up with you and play. You now belong to mom. Tucked amongst the papers upon her sewing table, you live in silence.

Monday, January 28, 2008

The Internal Composition of Lima Beans

As given to me by twelve year old Bigfoot:

Cat gut
Dog eyes
Martian brains
Sour milk
Nuclear waste
Pills forcing kids to want to take drugs
Toxic waste
Sugar and Caffeine

After hearing that last ingredient, I asked him "If Lima beans contain sugar and caffeine, then kids should naturally want them, right?"

"That would make Lima beans junk food. Mom's aren't supposed to deliberately feed their kids junk food. We're not supposed to eat junk food for dinner, so therefore you aren't supposed to make us eat Lima beans"

"What makes you think Lima beans contain nuclear waste?"

"They're green. Nuclear waste is green like Lima beans. You can't make me eat nuclear waste."

At that point, I was getting a little worn out of listening to Bigfoot's Top 10 Reasons Kids Should Not Be Made to Eat Lima Beans.

"If I have to hear about this anymore before dinner, there will be a double helping of Lima beans on your plate tonight."

"NO mom, don't make me do that. Don't make me eat cat gut!"

"Then I suggest you be quiet."

He ended up getting an extra serving that night of our green friends. I'm so proud of him. He ate every bite. Fortunately for my ears and his taste buds, his Lima bean servings ended after two days.

"What did you learn from all this?"

"Not to let the sofa bribe me into feeding it my Lima beans, even if it pays me. Sofas like them you know. They just take more time to chew than people do"

"What else did you learn?"

"You should not go looking for your crochet hook again."

Not look for my crochet hook? Yeah RIGHT!

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Put Another Chalk on the Tire

Lately, we've had below freezing temperatures. Frost covering the ground has not gone away from one day to the next. Last week, the parking brake on our outdated only car froze in place over night. The smell stench was enlightening choking as we drove to and from the ferry terminal. Thankfully, there was no charge to release the cable as it was part of a request for a brake check. The advise following was also free: Don't set the parking brake over night if we don't have to. Each day during this period of wonderfully frozen temperatures since the frozen brake cable episode, we have been chalking the tires of the car. Not a problem, unless you are blond like me dye your roots brown as I do.

So the other day, as I was preparing to leave and let the tire chalk out form the tire before I set the brake. I didn't just not set the brake yet, I didn't even unlock the car. Naturally, the car went rolling down the driveway a good twenty feet before Bigfoot managed to stop it. Fortunately, our driveway is long and the car didn't go down the entire 200 foot somewhat sloped hill.