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Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Pizza, the Perfect Food of Nature

I'm sure in every house with boys, pizza is by nature, a food of nature. Explanation of this is really quite simple in the mind of twelve-year old Bigfoot. According to Bigfoot, the natural state of pizza as a natural health food is simple. So simple, in fact, it really needs no explaining at all.

And then there came Mom. The hectic homeschooling, working, cleaning, event planning, husband-head-straightening, Cub Scout leading, I've written the book on excuses, Mom. This mom needs an explanation for everything. After all, I WAS one of the chief excuse writers in my AP English class. (I'll blog more about my public education later.) Being the Queen of excuses means this mom buys nothing! You better explain everything, including the "natural food" state of pizza .

So, according to twelve-year-old Bigfoot, pizza is the perfect food of nature on the grounds that:
1. Pizza dough is based upon grains such as wheat. Wheat is a plant, and plants are good for you. Therefore, the crust of a pizza is a natural health food.
2. Pizza sauce is made with tomatoes and spices. Tomatoes are not only plants, they are filled with powerful vitamins and minerals. Because tomatoes are so good for you, tomato sauce is healthy. Spices added to any pizza sauce are also plants. The plant content of pizza sauce is of levels that only allow it to be a health food.
3. Pizza contains toppings. Some of these toppings can be vegetables. We have already heard the vegetable defense, therefore, there should be no reason to repeat it once again. However, favorite toppings include meats such as sausage and pepperoni. Both of these come from animals. God made animals and all animals are living, breathing beings until we kill them for their meat. Whereas God created animals, everything created by God is a part of nature. Accordingly, meat is a natural food. Meat is good for us because it contains protein. Protein is good for our muscles and bones, and brain. Cheese is also a natural food because it comes from milk, which comes from cows, which are a creation of God.

So you see, pizza is a perfectly healthy natural food.

I'll give it to him for the creativity. I think there is a lot of testosterone speaking there.

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