Return the child to Sender, Half Asleep

Earlier today, I asked Bigboy to take something out for dinner. His protein source of choice: chicken and bacon. The Plan A: fry up the bacon as bacon bits, stuff them into the chicken with cheese, bread everything and bake it. By the time I needed to start dinner, neither chicken nor bacon was thawed enough to bother. Plan B: run to town for pizza. Bigfoot won't mind pizza in the least bit. Coming home from four days of mischief and mayhem with 1000 other boys generates a bottomless need for pizza.

As I'm checking out of the grocery store, what should I encounter, but a ringing phone. Bigfoot has come home. According to Mom Mouse and Dad Jordan, he was awake until Gig Harbor, and asleep by Olalla. As the rented SUV came into Port Orchard, several countless attempts were made to wake him up before he got home.

His exhaustion is out of my hands. Powerless I am to aid him in his need for sleep. He was only surrounded by 1000 other boys from around Washington State. Testosterone went flying all around the Wenatchee Convention Center for four straight days.

Coming to you, from my reliable source Bigfoot, I have been told the 1.5K run was held at 1am Saturday. Yes, several hundred boys ran laps around the convention center in the middle of the morning. Can you say testosterone? I was also told four boys were riding the elevator up and down for the sheer pleasure of riding an elevator. Generation of this pleasure resulted in two boys pushing each other into the elevator alarm. Once this alarm was set off, and appropriately turned off, four boys went running from said elevator, one of whom ended up in a girls bathroom out of extreme requirement to pee.

Sleep was temporarily obtained over the weekend. Certain activities provided perfect opportunities for nodding heads, dozing off, short lived snoozing, and power naps. Every one of these from breakfast to initiatory degree sessions were taken advantage of. Bigfoot testifies to sleeping for somewhere around half an hour over the four day weekend.

Pizza came home, went into the oven, and within one hour of eating, Bigfoot crawled into bed. Never to be seen again that night, the child, who fights off sleep on a regular basis, willingly shut his eyes. He may wake up tomorrow. then again, maybe not.

Pizza, the Perfect Food of Nature

I'm sure in every house with boys, pizza is by nature, a food of nature. Explanation of this is really quite simple in the mind of twelve-year old Bigfoot. According to Bigfoot, the natural state of pizza as a natural health food is simple. So simple, in fact, it really needs no explaining at all.

And then there came Mom. The hectic homeschooling, working, cleaning, event planning, husband-head-straightening, Cub Scout leading, I've written the book on excuses, Mom. This mom needs an explanation for everything. After all, I WAS one of the chief excuse writers in my AP English class. (I'll blog more about my public education later.) Being the Queen of excuses means this mom buys nothing! You better explain everything, including the "natural food" state of pizza .

So, according to twelve-year-old Bigfoot, pizza is the perfect food of nature on the grounds that:
1. Pizza dough is based upon grains such as wheat. Wheat is a plant, and plants are good for you. Therefore, the crust of a pizza is a natural health food.
2. Pizza sauce is made with tomatoes and spices. Tomatoes are not only plants, they are filled with powerful vitamins and minerals. Because tomatoes are so good for you, tomato sauce is healthy. Spices added to any pizza sauce are also plants. The plant content of pizza sauce is of levels that only allow it to be a health food.
3. Pizza contains toppings. Some of these toppings can be vegetables. We have already heard the vegetable defense, therefore, there should be no reason to repeat it once again. However, favorite toppings include meats such as sausage and pepperoni. Both of these come from animals. God made animals and all animals are living, breathing beings until we kill them for their meat. Whereas God created animals, everything created by God is a part of nature. Accordingly, meat is a natural food. Meat is good for us because it contains protein. Protein is good for our muscles and bones, and brain. Cheese is also a natural food because it comes from milk, which comes from cows, which are a creation of God.

So you see, pizza is a perfectly healthy natural food.

I'll give it to him for the creativity. I think there is a lot of testosterone speaking there.