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Sunday, July 19, 2009

No Longer A Hectic Homeschooler

I wonder if everyone goes through this:

Right now I just want to scream. I am sick of accepting changes from people. I am sick of sucking up to people whom I'm not really sure even like me. There have been so many things I have wanted to say, but know to keep my mouth shut. Over the past few months, I have closed many different chapters in my life. I've had to pick up the pieces and move on.

And when it rains, it can't just rain in my life. It just has to FLOOD.

I wanted to blog the morning of June 5th. That was one of the many days I cried. I don't even talk about most of the times I cry. Over the past year, I have cried myself to sleep more than I have "passed out" from exhaustion. June 5th was a little different form all of them.

I closed our last report cards at Explorer Academy. We actually spent four years at one school. Even though it wasn't really a school as anybody would normally think of it, I spent four years working with teachers and homeschooling my kids. I had Explorer Academy as a resource for the years I didn't have the cash for our own curriculum.

Giving up homeschooling was not something I wanted to do. I feel forced to by my new situation as a single mom. After five years at home, attempting to domesticate myself, this is the hardest challenge in my life. I spent five years at home with my kids, trying to support my husband. May of last year, he announced to me his intention to divorce.

I felt I was making progress in homeschooling. I was connecting with my kids in a way I had never been able to before. I was teaching and learning with them in a way I wish I had been able to as a kid. Closing report cards this year was a huge step for me. One of the doors in my life was now closed. Maybe someday, when Bogfoot and Beadgorl have kids of their own, they can reopen the door to the joys of homeschooling.

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