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Friday, January 25, 2008

Why are we feeding the furniture veggies?

I've learned...

Most sofas get hungry. the average diet for cushioned furniture consists of spare change and dust. Therefore, it can be concluded that minerals are good for your furniture. What minerals your furniture does not digest, get sucked out with the periodic vacuum.

Homeschooling families, such as mine, typically have furniture with extended dietary needs such as pencils, pens, scissors, crayons, markers and books. I think I even found a sofa trying to eat craft paint. Vacuum cleaners do not like any of those items. The result is a monthly manual evaluation of the cushioned digestive tracts. Anything not eaten by the furniture and too large for the vacuum must be removed manually.

There are homeschooling families that do not own furniture with these extended dietary needs. Those families typically have a separate room dedicated to their educational ventures. Those families also typically own dwellings larger than an 850 square foot house shack house. Separate space for living and homeschooling does not exist in my world. Everything is done in the living room and at the kitchen table. Since much of our schoolwork is done in the living room, our sofas feel the need to expand their diet beyond spare change and dust. I have reasonable grounds to comprehend this. However, veggies?

For your information, I knit. I'm learning to crochet. I sew. Our house is large enough that I get knitting, crochet, and sewing, space in the living room. It is not uncommon for the sofas to obtain any of the following: knitting needles, crochet hooks, yarn, thread, sewing pins, needles, stitch markers, safety pins, or even pin cushions. These items are very yummy for the sofas of a craft addict. However, veggies?

Some children have come about of a new discovery in the feeding of furniture:

Sofas need vitamins too. Where do vitamins come from? Veggies! According to recent study conducted by Bigfoot, proven before by his uncles Tweedledee and Tweedledum, sofas are in need of vitamins. The primary source of these vitamins are vegetables. Research conducted by Bigfoot has found Lima Beans have the highest nutritional value to furniture. Attempts were made to conduct all studies of Lima Beans and furniture under wraps. I think he was waiting for cross examination of his work before results of this study were announced. Unfortunately for the scientific community involved in the study of furniture diets, Mom went looking for her crochet hook and found the project. Gracefully fed to the sofa was an entire serving of Lima Beans as would be when mixed with other veggies.

Needless to say, Bigfoot was required Lima Beans for dinner for a full seven consecutive days. He will eat his vegetables.

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