As given to me by twelve year old Bigfoot:
Cat gut
Dog eyes
Martian brains
Sour milk
Nuclear waste
Pills forcing kids to want to take drugs
Toxic waste
Coal
Sugar and Caffeine
After hearing that last ingredient, I asked him "If Lima beans contain sugar and caffeine, then kids should naturally want them, right?"
"That would make Lima beans junk food. Mom's aren't supposed to deliberately feed their kids junk food. We're not supposed to eat junk food for dinner, so therefore you aren't supposed to make us eat Lima beans"
"What makes you think Lima beans contain nuclear waste?"
"They're green. Nuclear waste is green like Lima beans. You can't make me eat nuclear waste."
At that point, I was getting a little worn out of listening to Bigfoot's Top 10 Reasons Kids Should Not Be Made to Eat Lima Beans.
"If I have to hear about this anymore before dinner, there will be a double helping of Lima beans on your plate tonight."
"NO mom, don't make me do that. Don't make me eat cat gut!"
"Then I suggest you be quiet."
He ended up getting an extra serving that night of our green friends. I'm so proud of him. He ate every bite. Fortunately for my ears and his taste buds, his Lima bean servings ended after two days.
"What did you learn from all this?"
"Not to let the sofa bribe me into feeding it my Lima beans, even if it pays me. Sofas like them you know. They just take more time to chew than people do"
"What else did you learn?"
"You should not go looking for your crochet hook again."
Not look for my crochet hook? Yeah RIGHT!
Showing posts with label Lima beans. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lima beans. Show all posts
Monday, January 28, 2008
Friday, January 25, 2008
Why are we feeding the furniture veggies?
I've learned...
Most sofas get hungry. the average diet for cushioned furniture consists of spare change and dust. Therefore, it can be concluded that minerals are good for your furniture. What minerals your furniture does not digest, get sucked out with the periodic vacuum.
Homeschooling families, such as mine, typically have furniture with extended dietary needs such as pencils, pens, scissors, crayons, markers and books. I think I even found a sofa trying to eat craft paint. Vacuum cleaners do not like any of those items. The result is a monthly manual evaluation of the cushioned digestive tracts. Anything not eaten by the furniture and too large for the vacuum must be removed manually.
There are homeschooling families that do not own furniture with these extended dietary needs. Those families typically have a separate room dedicated to their educational ventures. Those families also typically own dwellings larger than an 850 square foothouse shack house. Separate space for living and homeschooling does not exist in my world. Everything is done in the living room and at the kitchen table. Since much of our schoolwork is done in the living room, our sofas feel the need to expand their diet beyond spare change and dust. I have reasonable grounds to comprehend this. However, veggies?
For your information, I knit. I'm learning to crochet. I sew. Our house is large enough that I get knitting, crochet, and sewing, space in the living room. It is not uncommon for the sofas to obtain any of the following: knitting needles, crochet hooks, yarn, thread, sewing pins, needles, stitch markers, safety pins, or even pin cushions. These items are very yummy for the sofas of a craft addict. However, veggies?
Some children have come about of a new discovery in the feeding of furniture:
Sofas need vitamins too. Where do vitamins come from? Veggies! According to recent study conducted by Bigfoot, proven before by his uncles Tweedledee and Tweedledum, sofas are in need of vitamins. The primary source of these vitamins are vegetables. Research conducted by Bigfoot has found Lima Beans have the highest nutritional value to furniture. Attempts were made to conduct all studies of Lima Beans and furniture under wraps. I think he was waiting for cross examination of his work before results of this study were announced. Unfortunately for the scientific community involved in the study of furniture diets, Mom went looking for her crochet hook and found the project. Gracefully fed to the sofa was an entire serving of Lima Beans as would be when mixed with other veggies.
Needless to say, Bigfoot was required Lima Beans for dinner for a full seven consecutive days. He will eat his vegetables.
Most sofas get hungry. the average diet for cushioned furniture consists of spare change and dust. Therefore, it can be concluded that minerals are good for your furniture. What minerals your furniture does not digest, get sucked out with the periodic vacuum.
Homeschooling families, such as mine, typically have furniture with extended dietary needs such as pencils, pens, scissors, crayons, markers and books. I think I even found a sofa trying to eat craft paint. Vacuum cleaners do not like any of those items. The result is a monthly manual evaluation of the cushioned digestive tracts. Anything not eaten by the furniture and too large for the vacuum must be removed manually.
There are homeschooling families that do not own furniture with these extended dietary needs. Those families typically have a separate room dedicated to their educational ventures. Those families also typically own dwellings larger than an 850 square foot
For your information, I knit. I'm learning to crochet. I sew. Our house is large enough that I get knitting, crochet, and sewing, space in the living room. It is not uncommon for the sofas to obtain any of the following: knitting needles, crochet hooks, yarn, thread, sewing pins, needles, stitch markers, safety pins, or even pin cushions. These items are very yummy for the sofas of a craft addict. However, veggies?
Some children have come about of a new discovery in the feeding of furniture:
Sofas need vitamins too. Where do vitamins come from? Veggies! According to recent study conducted by Bigfoot, proven before by his uncles Tweedledee and Tweedledum, sofas are in need of vitamins. The primary source of these vitamins are vegetables. Research conducted by Bigfoot has found Lima Beans have the highest nutritional value to furniture. Attempts were made to conduct all studies of Lima Beans and furniture under wraps. I think he was waiting for cross examination of his work before results of this study were announced. Unfortunately for the scientific community involved in the study of furniture diets, Mom went looking for her crochet hook and found the project. Gracefully fed to the sofa was an entire serving of Lima Beans as would be when mixed with other veggies.
Needless to say, Bigfoot was required Lima Beans for dinner for a full seven consecutive days. He will eat his vegetables.
